Counselor in Mill Valley California

"Here is a sneak peek from my upcoming book Spiritually Medicated. Visit my website KylaLam.com for updates or to book your healing session."

TIME MACHINE METAPHOR

I often have clients who say they cannot connect with or “see” their inner child when we walk through our healing journeys together or rather, they can’t relate because they don’t remember their childhood at all. When I hear this, I know there’s a lack of emotions to their childhood memories or suppressed emotions. There’s no emotional association to make something memorable. As a bartender, I always remembered someone’s drink and I can recall almost every conversation I’ve had with them, but I could never remember their name. Names are labels that don’t really have an emotional attachment for me, but if I met someone that had an ex boyfriend’s name, a best friend’s name or a family member’s name - you bet I would remember that person a lot easier. Memories are the same way. Maybe you can’t recall what you were doing 5 days ago at 10am, but if you got some bad news over the phone or if your boss called to tell you you got a promotion, I bet you’d remember it then. So if the inner child metaphor doesn’t resonate, let’s see this another way, through a time machine.

If you had known the things you’d known now, what would you tell yourself 5 years ago or even 10 years ago? Can you imagine how much bullshit you would save yourself from had you only known the things you do now? You wouldn’t have wasted so much time in that relationship, you wouldn’t have bought into that stock, you would have said yes to this or that opportunity. You don’t know what you don't know, everything always makes sense in hindsight, which doesn’t do us any good until present day. That is true today and it was true then; admittedly, your life could be completely different today if your present self could get into a time machine and go tell your past self some shit. The inner child idea works the same way. You’re going to get into your time machine and go tell your under developed, unknowledgeable self who doesn’t know any better, how they have it all wrong. You’re going to tell them it’s ok to be a kid and scream and shout and tell adults you’re just a kid who needs love and affection. You’re going to tell them that the rejection they faced plays a huge role in their insecurity as an adult and they need to cut that out and conquer it now so you both can have a good life. You’re going to tell them that mom and dad’s behavior has absolutely nothing to do with them, but everything to do with adult problems that they will learn all about when they get older, but in the meantime, it’s not personal.

What does the adult version of you know today that you wish you could tell your little self when you get in that time machine? How do you suppose your beliefs based on your life’s experiences have shaped who you are today? What warnings do you want to give in a way that wouldn’t scare the bejeezus out of an actual little kid? What kind words of support and encouragement would you offer that would have a positive impact in your future? How would you re-mold yourself, with all the things you know today, so that the little you can catch up to the timeline of the present day you and perhaps be a wiser, more secure, grounded individual?